213 | Calling Home About Student Behavior (A Framework for Difficult Conversations)

In this episode of That Music Podcast, Bryson tackles one of the most anxiety-inducing parts of teaching: calling home or having difficult conversations about student behavior. Specifically through the lens of music teachers, this episode addresses how being a specialist can complicate communication with families, classroom teachers, and administrators, and why avoiding these conversations often makes things worse.

You’ll walk away with the CALM framework: a practical, four-step approach to behavior-related conversations that helps you stay professional, reduce emotional escalation, and keep the focus on student learning. This episode is packed with realistic strategies you can use immediately to support classroom management, protect your well-being, and confidently navigate tough conversations without dread.

Episode Chapters:

• 0:00 Introduction
• 1:53 The CALM Framework - C
• 3:09 The CALM Framework - A
• 4:24 The CALM Framework - L
• 5:46 The CALM Framework - M
• 6:21 Helpful tips
• 7:49 Takeaways
  
  

Links and Resources: 

• The Elementary Music Summit®
• Elementary Newbie Guide
• Disabilities Guide
• Steady Beat Survival Guide
• Join Elementary Music EDGE™

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Grab your free ticket to the Elementary Music Summit®: January Refresh -> www.thatmusicteacher.com/summit

Have questions or want to share feedback? Reach out to us at hello@thatmusicteacher.com - we’d love to hear from you!

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction
• 2:43 The CALM Framework - C
• 3:59 The CALM Framework - A
• 5:14 The CALM Framework - L
• 6:36 The CALM Framework - M
• 7:11 Helpful tips
• 8:39 Takeaways

Transcript

Bryson Tarbet: 0:50

You just got an email from Johnny's mom and she wants to talk to you. Let's talk about it.

: 0:58

You are listening to that music podcast with Bryson Tart, the curriculum designer and educational consultant behind that music teacher and the elementary music summit. Each week, Bryson and his guests will dive into the reality of being an elementary music teacher and how music can truly be transformative in the lives of the students you serve. Show notes and resources mentioned in this episode can be found@thatmusicteacher.com.

Bryson Tarbet: 1:32

Welcome back to this week's episode of That Music podcast. Today we're gonna be talking about that shared feeling of dread when the music stops and you have to make that call or pull a student aside or deal with all kind of the unpleasant things about being a teacher. This is one of the most anxiety inducing parts of teaching, and it can take a huge toll on teacher wellbeing. On top of that, it can be really easy for us as music teachers to kind of be outside of the system of who would expect to have these conversations. So sometimes we get even infighting from teachers that feel like, well, why did you call Johnny's mom instead of talking to the classroom teacher, you should have talked to me first. And like, yeah, sometimes we can, but like we're teachers too. So let's talk a little bit about how we can have these difficult conversations in a way that says our piece. Gate makes it as actionable as possible and gives a little bit of a framework so that it's not this anxiety inducing thing. Every single time we're gonna be using the CALM approach, which is a simple four step framework to ensure that when you're going into these conversations, you're being prepared, you're professional, and you're focused on solutions so that you can move everything forward. So let's dive in. So the CALM framework, CALM, first step, we have C. Collect the facts. This is all about being prepared. First of all, if there's something that goes on, never call when you are angry or frustrated. Never send an email, never do anything. Just take a moment, pause and gather the information, the objective data, not feelings, facts. Think about the different specific observable behavior you're talking about. You know, if Johnny's doing X, Y, Z, what is he actually, what are you seeing? Don't put any flavor onto it. What is actually observable in your classroom? Figure out how you can frame that issue without emotion. For example, on three separate occasions this week, student X left the group space after being asked to stay, which resulted in lost instructional time. That is a fact. That is a un, there's no emotion attached to that. It's not saying Johnny was X, y, Z. It was, this is what happened. Whenever possible, I want you to have some positive things to say too about the student ready to go. Start the conversation whenever possible with a positive observation to establish goodwill. And honestly, this is done even better if you're reaching out about these positive observations. When there are no negative things to share. You're just sharing, establishing a positive line of communication with families. So C is all about collecting the facts. A is for aiming for collaboration. Your goal here in this conversation is not to assign blame, but to partner for student success. I want you to shift your language from, you need to fix this, to how can we make this happen? How can we work together to support this student in making better choices? And I know that sometimes can be hard because sometimes you just wanna look at somebody and shake 'em and say, yo, like, get it together. That's not the reality that we live in. So whenever we can say, what can I do? How can I support the student? What can I do this? And sometimes you might not like the answer and that's not saying you have to do the answer. But whenever you can frame this as I wanna work together with the student, I wanna work together with you, the parent, I wanna work together with you, the classroom teacher, to figure this out, rather than this is what I'm seeing, this is what I'm gonna do, it's done. Whenever we can aim for collaboration, that's really helpful. Presenting the issue as something that is happening to the student's learning rather than a personal upfront is really helpful. So, for instance, you know when this happens, this student is missing instructional time rather than, you know, when this happens, I get really upset. Which one of those is going to be more impactful? Let's be honest. So we have C Collect the facts, a aim for collaboration. L is listen and limit. When you're having these conversations, do more listening than talking. Say your piece. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying just listen to it, but sometimes people just need to be heard and be ready to have those conversations and let them be heard, but also say what you wanna say, have your piece. That's why the collecting the facts is really important, because you're coming in prepared. A great way to do this is after that you present that factual concern that you, you collected in step one, ask an open-ended question, like, what are you seeing at home that might be contributing to this? Or, what are some strategies that you think might work best for this student? Asking these types of open-ended questions can be really helpful in creating dialogue because a lot of times these miscommunications can happen because there isn't any dialogue. And the really big part here is it's not just listen. It's listen and limit. Limit the length of the conversation. These types of conversations do not need to last 30 minutes the majority of the time. State your goal, show the facts, agree on a couple of actionable steps, and set a time for you to follow up later. Don't need. These don't need to be these big drawn out things, because when that happens, that's when things can get a little dicey and things can get away from you. Keep it as actionable as possible. Listen to their concerns, but also share what you're seeing in your classroom. And our last step is m, moving forward with an action plan. Do not end the call without a clear, actionable next step. So I want you to explicitly say something like, alright, our next step, you know, and when moving forward, I'm gonna be using a visual clue in class. If you'll talk to your student tonight about X, Y, Z, I'll email you a quick summary about how it goes and I'll check back next Tuesday. Always follow up. If you say you're gonna follow up, follow up with the student, the parent, the classroom teacher, the administrator, if they're looped in. Consistency in doing what you're saying you're gonna do is one of the most powerful tools for behavior change. Now let me address some elephants in the room. I fully understand that as specialist, we see hundreds of students each day. It can be really hard to find the time to do this. This is where I think it's really helpful to utilize the team if you have one. You know, if you have homeroom teachers that are willing to have some of these conversations for you and or with you, that can be really helpful because they might have a little bit more information or a better rapport with these parents than you might have. Um, looping in administration can be helpful. It could also not be helpful, but like, let's also not get beyond the fact that. We, because we don't get to see the students all day, or you know, we, we only get them for a limited time. We really need to make sure that our observations are objective and specific. We wanna make sure that we're framing our terms and how the behavior impacts the learning in the classroom. Keeping it back, bringing it back to a student centered reason why this is a problem. Now here's another thing I really wanna recommend you doing is documenting your efforts. Whenever you have one of these conversations, just write down, even just throw it in your calendar, who you talked to, uh, you know, how long you did, you know, what was it about, what was the outcome. It's a great way that you can kind of. Keep a track of what's going on. So if something were to get blown out of proportion or need to be e escalated further, you're not going in with, well, I thought, or I think we did this. No, here are all the things. Here are the things that we've tried and it still hasn't worked. Also, let's be honest, this type of approach is just really good for like dealing with people. So while this episode was kind of more focused on how we as music teachers can have these difficult conversations with parents or, or grownups or families. I really think there are some cases where this is exactly what's gonna be needed between you and a classroom teacher, between you and a colleague or with an administrator. And I think this is a really good framework of how we can make it actionable, how we can make it specific, and how we can pull emotion away from it a little bit so that we can really focus on the root of it rather than how that makes things feel and how that kind of blows things outta proportion sometimes. Now, what I am not saying. Is to be a pushover. What I'm not saying is that you need to be a sponge and soak up everyone's problems. What I want you to hear is that using a framework like this can allow you to say your piece, hear the other opinion, and move along with an actionable plan. So it's not just people yelling or talking at each other. There's something that's gonna happen in that action. For me at least. Is what helps my anxiety when I'm in these conversations. I hate having negative phone calls with families. Least favorite thing I've ever done in my career is call home and tell a student or tell a parent that a student was not meeting expectations, especially on some of these bigger reasons why, but they're important. Because we need to hold our students to expectations, and we need to involve families in a lot of these conversations sometimes so that it's not just us versus the world. We can be on a team at least sometimes. I also wanna be really clear that having these conversations isn't a sign of failure. It's a sign of professionalism and a commitment to standing up for what you believe in. And if a student isn't meeting those expectations, don't just let them get away with it. You know, have these firm boundaries, have these different things. Don't be a jerk about it, but like say your piece. Tell them what it's about. Tell them like, Hey, this is this, ain't it for me. Use that. But having start framework like this can help you do it in a way that is a little bit less anxious, anxiety, fulfilling, and allows you to remain a professional along the way. With that being said, thank you so much for joining me for this week's episode of That Music podcast. It would mean the world if you would leave a comment wherever you're watching or listening or leave a five star review. Um, that really helps us grow in the algorithms and all those fun things. Uh, with that being said, I know it's January. I know you're busy, so I'm gonna let you along your way. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for making a difference in the lives of the students that we teach.